i sat back thinking of my past year… till date.. im probably 1yr and 2 months old in ling xiu… and with the recent Q&A session on FB with MR… really made my brains work very hard.. lol…. these are some thoughts i gathered…

i’ve gotten into a healthy lifestyle of waking early and sleeping earlier… even my eatin habits have changed… i’ve also managed to keep my daily meditation routine in check… well congrats on that to myself… i can feel my ling energy grow tremendously.. i have better 感应  and stuff.. great… but something seems to be missing after all… i’ve come to a point where i have probably reached a cross road.. i dont seem to be going anywhere… or should i put in layman terms.. i feel stuck….

have any of you ever wondered…. why are you cultivating? i find myself facing this question finally…
MR once told me… my biggest obstacle in cultivation will be the word 情.. relationship, friendship, kinship and whatever sort of 情… but i never really put a thought into this…  honestly.. i never seriously thought about why im a cultivator… or rather… why would i be in LZT…
sometimes i think back on my past actions… are you guilty of just nodding your head and saying yes? or have you seriously thought about what has been taught to you? or you think you know what you are doing? i think ive finally found an answer somehow…

my biggest obstacle indeed is 情… not just the above mentioned… but also the relationship between me and the LZT-ians.. MR and all the brothers and sisters… 情 would probably also lead to me being emotional or at times egoistic.. because the word 情 often revolves around the word 我…. so i think i kinda understand this theory… but how well can i cope with it? yet another story….

other than MR’s analysis… im quite sure now that i am not born to this earth this era for fun… i know i have missions and tests ahead waiting for me… but yet im still not very stable… there are many things i wish to achieve.. but yet i cant overcome myself… even if i did… i cant say for 100% that the next time i could do it again… but at least im clear now why i am a cultivator… i have unfinished business…

judging from my “performance”… i have only one conclusion… 行改心没改，等于什么都没改… i have already physically done things i should do… but deep down inside there are probably some grievances… some unhappiness… some anger… its about time i trashed them out now before they rot in me… maybe thats why MR says im still emo and ego deep under… so now i think i know the theory… but knowing and not applying is still all talk no action…

what to do next? how to go about doing it? why i dont get the kind of 自在 in cultivation?
i doubt thinking gives an answer…. someone.. unstuck me please.. =D

just sharing some thoughts bros & sis… please feel free to comment.. =D

checking in…

BFG

P.S.: i feel greatly to do something for the people in HAITI… 70,000 has gone and probably more… what if the person was you? if you can.. please just chant some OMPH and dedicate the merits to ease their suffering… if its you… what would you wish people have done for you at least?

i went outside of my house to clear the trash and suddenly had a traumatic tummy ache… the pain was so bad that i stopped whatever i did and went to the toilet.. in the process.. my nose and throat ( both on the inside ) suddenly got very very itchy and irritated…. suddenly my eyes start to swell.. i can feel my eyes going smaller and smaller… i was still in the process of you-know-what…. all of a sudden my nose started filling up with mucus and my throat with phlegm… i cant breathe.. i tried using my nose or mouth.. very little air went through… i suffered on the toilet bowl for about 10 mins…

after which i immediately took a shower… when i stood up from the toilet bowl i felt my entire chest got tight… the breathing got even harder.. i was sort of panting and gasping for more air… quickly finished the shower and rushed to the room… lied down flat on the bed.. closed my eyes and JZ.. trying to calm myself down.. i felt my chest got tighter… this time round.. i could feel someone pressing something on me…. and i could feel as if someone was trying to seal my heart chakra…the process went on and the heart chakra started to hurt….

the first instinct was to do PJHS…. followed by GYFM… the image of a lady kept coming to my mind and when i closed my eyes i could see her…. she was dressed in olden days chinese convict clothes.. and someone seems to be giving her instructions..  while doing GYFM, i could feel energy forcing out another stream of energy from within… currents of cold keep emitting out from the skin… and this didn’t help for the breathing… i was still gasping for air despite settling myself down… finished GYFM and went down to my home altar to offer incense to 大伯公，土地公 & 祖先 asking for them to help me… after offering incense i decided to go for a spin in my car in case there was any negative spiritual forces in my house affecting my parents… on the journey.. i kept chanting BZMZ.. i was out for 30 mins than i got home… feeling slightly better…

i then took a ten mins walk at the field opposite my house.. communicating with the earth deities seeking their blessing….. then i went back to sleep with my heart chakra feeling sore….

i havent been sick ever since i did my daily SOP but right now i feel sick…i am able to breathe but my nose slightly blocked… my eyes are still slightly swollen and my heart chakra feels wierd and hurts at times… i wished it was a heart attack.. but i’m quite certain its not… who have i offended?? beats me…..

logging in..

BFG

like lotuses among flowers
growing from mud..
but unstained and pure…

like dragons in the earth
balance and control…
firm and unwavering..

like sutras in the fire
burning away the dross and impurities…
tested by the flames…

like power within emptiness
finding motion within stillness…
and stillness within motion…

like a king among the spirits
giving relentlessly and compassionately…
finding equality among all beings…

like a saint among the human beings
bringing light to the darkness…
changing the world through your daily actions..

today after meditation.. i reflected upon my last 27 days of actions, speech and thoughts… suddenly i ended up in a blank state of mind…  and the words above came to my head… i realised that what i’m practicing is not just a 观想.. its also a code of conduct for me… putting the words into actions.. putting the actions to tests….

kinda understand why MR told me he’s not teaching me to be an actor..
kinda understand why cultivation is called ‘修’ ‘行’…
over this 27 days.. i already faced all sorts of challenges on 贪，嗔，痴，慢，疑..
sometimes feel like calling MR to “complain” and seek some console..
but i clearly understand.. its part of the journey and i have to stay positive…
no 自我, no 自私, no 自怜…  if little bit like that cant take it… then all my practice is gone to waste..

anyways MR.. just for updates… my daily cycle goes like this…

21 x BZMZ
standard SOP
(replaced the GYFM with the 笔中仙法)
(replaced OMPH with ATDZY)
got do everyday.. but never write everyday.. missed a few occasions..
the times when i missed..  i try to take the brush to write but really no feel…
so i never force it… dont know if its a test of my impatience..
meditation timing ranges from 45mins to 1hr15mins..
the entire practice ranges from 1hr30mins to 2hrs…

am facing some challenges on my work so will call you for updates..
anyways.. i’ll be in class on thurs.. so see ya there!!

love to all..
BFG

for an instance.. i wondered.. why does my hand seem to be holding something… it got heavier and more obvious.. and it felt like a kind of whip… in my state of half sleep and half awake, i was quite sure my hands were moving like DG.. and i thought i saw 黑白无常 smiling at me and keep putting that whip thing on my hand… at first.. i ignored and told myself.. im too tired… that hand that was holding the whip i changed the position to put on top of my head.. but it just kept getting more and more prominent… this carried on for 30 mins till i couldnt go on sleeping..

i took a few steps to my 大伯公 & 土地公 altar with a pen and paper and knelt down and hands in prayer position and told them.. yes.. if you have anything please tell me and i will write it out… or is it you want me to meditate first before going to sleep… i tried to 运灵 and tried to write.. but cannot..  i was still in a daze and wasnt very serious and soon after a while.. i realised my attitude wasnt very right..

i quickly went to wash up and brush my teeth and cleaned myself.. sat in front of the altar again and meditated for bout 25 mins.. then i asked politely for the message and i allowed the energy to carry my hands to write…

this was what i wrote..

then it followed by this….

sorry i had to blur this as MR instructed me not to show anyone.. this so happened to be a set of 茅山术… and i was also instructed to practice this… then……

the second line was after i wrote the first part.. i asked 大伯公 where… then i wrote.. and it carried on writing a 3rd part and “signed off” with a talisman looking..

after this very day.. my life changed… every day.. i have to bath with sea salt or flower water or yin yang water until clean clean… dressed like PAP election.. and practice this 法 for 1 hour for 49 days until i go to the temple… i was warned of potential trials and temptations which i am already facing…

MR warned me of 3 DON’Ts i must observe.. 无自我, 无自私, 无自怜…

无自我 – no ego.. no pride.. selflessness.. no individualism…

无自私 – not only literally means not being selfish.. also means not to have prejudice or 私心..

无自怜 – no self pity.. no negative thoughts…

in this 49 days.. i must observe my speech, thoughts and actions…
being a practioner of 笔中仙法.. i must be very aware.. must really be very 自在.. free from being emotional… when i write… i must not have personal thoughts.. i must be very very opened and receptive and free… free from suffering and emotional struggles.. free from 人性… free from anger… and what not…

my personal view: i’ve went thru this stage before.. and probably now i am going thru a test to see how well i fare.. all the dont’s are all attacking my biggest weaknesses.. i will not be 执捉.. whether i pass this test or not… whether i get to do my mission or not.. i’ll take it as another learning phase…

from my previous experience.. ive grown and realised… so today.. i will do my best!! although the focus is usually on the results.. but i should not forget the lessons i go through!!

and to MR.. thanks for reminding me, watching me and supporting me always…
thank you also for working with all the Earth Deities to help keep watch on me…
i will try my best to be mindful and aware… =)

jia you!! jia you!!

Cheers!

BFG

Chapter 2 was more of my newbie thoughts, some dharma knowledge, assignments with MR and my trial to practice 不动明王法…

Chapter 3 was when i met my test, faced my true self and 心魔… failed the trial and everything went back to square one…

Now.. after about 3 months plus of meditation.. a new chapter begins…. heehee..

在一个雷电交加的夜晚… (**lightning lightning**) lol…

one fine day when i was practicing my DG at home.. i noticed i seemed to be writing some stuff..
being the curious me.. i decided to take down a pen and paper and see what is it that i wrote…
like speaking 灵语, writing is also part of a transitional phase for your soul..
these spiritual gifts usually are periodical and don’t last for a long time…
as a 灵修者, we must be very versatile.. like what MR always say.. we must have the spirit of water..
when we put water in the round bottle.. the water becomes round.. yet when we put it in the square bottle… it becomes square!
so is water really round shaped or square shaped? or does it has no shape? water flows according to nature…
our soul so much like water.. must learn to flow to nature.. accept and adapt to the different phases…

after showing MR my first few pieces.. he encouraged me to continue practicing it whenever i have the “feel” to write..
here are some pictures of some writing consolidated in the past few weeks…

Part 02 will be here shortly.. hahahaha..

Cheers,

BFG

The Rinpoche is a very adorable and kind hearted man… the way he speaks is full of compassion… personally.. i find myself very fond of this man… and i really feel very joyful knowing that our teacher has found such a good guru… its not only his blessing.. but the whole of LZT’s…. It is indeed great to have such a blessing bestowed upon us.. but do we remember where is our root? what are we learning in the first place?

being busy with all the preparations and pujas and stuff.. sometimes.. its so easy that we drift away from our origin….

On the first puja… Rinpoche spoke about Tantric Yoga and the seed of Dharma… he mentioned these words and i remember it very clearly… he said something like “people think we are strange or wrong when we do these movements but in actual fact they are wrong…” In their practice, Tantric Yoga is equivalent to our DG… this led me to understand that 灵修 is actually happening throughout the world but in different context and have different names… there are for example 自发功，神拳  which is similar to our DG and even the speaking in tongues of the Pentecostal Christians are similar to our 灵语.. from seeing this.. it also led me to understand that religions or sects are just different names and practices formed by mankind…

i remember asking my church senior back then why does Christianity has so many denominations.. Aren’t we worshipping the same God? From Baptist.. Pentecostal.. Charismatic… Presbyterian to Catholics.. Roman Catholics.. and what not… my church senior then explained that it is all created by man… eg.. when Jesus came to this stage he taught this thing and some moved on.. some did not… does this sound like Buddha going around teaching people different 法 to help different groups of people? all these plus human pride, cultures and heritage led to this difference in sects, denominations and practices…

from all these i realised something… lets simplify everything and put all terms and names away for a moment…

lets just use higher beings to symbolize all angels, gods, divas and what not… spirits to symbolise ghosts and stuff.. and the word soul to describe our own inner being.. Be it Christianity, Buddhist, Taoist, Muslims, Hindus or Catholics… there is one thing that we are sure of… there are Higher Beings… there are spirits and ghosts around.. and each of us have a soul….

by simplifying things.. doesnt it for a moment seems like everything is the same? arent this religions and sects and practices just names and different ways people practice? and if i were to put it in a mind map… is the word 灵/Soul branched out from these religions or the religions branched out from this word? is 灵/Soul a sub category or is it a main category..?

i kinda understand why MR always say 灵修 is not Buddhism… 灵宗堂 is not a 佛堂… over here we are cultivating our soul… and using the teachings from the various religions to help us get on the right and best way…

so what is this whole 灵修 thing about?  in my humble opinion.. in simple words.. it is restoring and cultivating our soul…

i dont know if i’m right.. but i just thought of penning down these thoughts.. please feel free to share your opinions and queries if you have any….

cheers!!!

BFG

i’m fine.. just a little overwhelmed by work, events and what not.. even took on the role of being a home maker for a week.. well its really quite an experience and actually quite a drag but yeah… i kinda understand why mum always nags at me and vents her frustrations on me… its a good experience… but i just cant understand why mum likes to handwash the clothes.. maybe its cleaner? it’d be so much more efficient to just use the washing machine.. maybe i should encourage her to do so…  anyways.. enough of my complaining.. i just wanted to start writing again as i really have several stuff to update so this is the first…

for the month of november… i missed bout 4-5 days of doing my daily SOP… no doubt its an improvement from my 4 to 5 days a week… i believe it still can be better… meditation and stuff is no longer so much a chore to me… in the beginning.. i used to think its such a hassle to do it everyday.. but after forcing myself to do it daily.. i kinda understand why we need to do so.. and especially the benefits from doing it… many times we like to procrastinate.. maybe watch tv first.. go on facebook first and stuff… all sorts of excuses to fulfill our 人性.. but dear all.. try taking a step.. once you walk out.. you’ll be able to do it daily… it’ll be just like brushing teeth or showering or even eating your meals.. its part of our lives.. so i encourage you guys to keep trying ya!

and also thanks a million to everyone who helped in any part of our recent LZT events… even by turning up and coorperating, its a great encouragement to the organizing team.. i just want to say thank you to all who has helped me cover my role in a way or another.. you guys really make me feel like a part of a big family and i’m happy to be here.. if in the midst of doing stuff and ive carelessly offended anyone.. i also hope you’ll forgive me ya? heehee.. hope no one.. hahahhaha… anyways… will be updating my blog so stay tuned… 收视率 must go up!!! wahahahhaha… thanks everyone!

cheers!

BFG

thanks to bro teo, i’m now able to see it!!!

hahahaha.. see.. i told you its a cow….

cheers!

BFG