Filed under: Cultivation
okay.. first and foremost.. let me complete the unfinished tale of the 笔中仙 chapter before further complains… haha…
so i met MR to 三清宫 to receive my mission.. and !!! i never receive my mission lor… its probably due to some missing procedures… so cut the story very very short… because it was a chop chop session so not very much to share on it also…. whether the chapter continues or another begins… i have no idea either… i just continue practising…
i sat back thinking of my past year… till date.. im probably 1yr and 2 months old in ling xiu… and with the recent Q&A session on FB with MR… really made my brains work very hard.. lol…. these are some thoughts i gathered…
i’ve gotten into a healthy lifestyle of waking early and sleeping earlier… even my eatin habits have changed… i’ve also managed to keep my daily meditation routine in check… well congrats on that to myself… i can feel my ling energy grow tremendously.. i have better 感应 and stuff.. great… but something seems to be missing after all… i’ve come to a point where i have probably reached a cross road.. i dont seem to be going anywhere… or should i put in layman terms.. i feel stuck….
have any of you ever wondered…. why are you cultivating? i find myself facing this question finally…
MR once told me… my biggest obstacle in cultivation will be the word 情.. relationship, friendship, kinship and whatever sort of 情… but i never really put a thought into this… honestly.. i never seriously thought about why im a cultivator… or rather… why would i be in LZT…
sometimes i think back on my past actions… are you guilty of just nodding your head and saying yes? or have you seriously thought about what has been taught to you? or you think you know what you are doing? i think ive finally found an answer somehow…
my biggest obstacle indeed is 情… not just the above mentioned… but also the relationship between me and the LZT-ians.. MR and all the brothers and sisters… 情 would probably also lead to me being emotional or at times egoistic.. because the word 情 often revolves around the word 我…. so i think i kinda understand this theory… but how well can i cope with it? yet another story….
other than MR’s analysis… im quite sure now that i am not born to this earth this era for fun… i know i have missions and tests ahead waiting for me… but yet im still not very stable… there are many things i wish to achieve.. but yet i cant overcome myself… even if i did… i cant say for 100% that the next time i could do it again… but at least im clear now why i am a cultivator… i have unfinished business…
judging from my “performance”… i have only one conclusion… 行改心没改，等于什么都没改… i have already physically done things i should do… but deep down inside there are probably some grievances… some unhappiness… some anger… its about time i trashed them out now before they rot in me… maybe thats why MR says im still emo and ego deep under… so now i think i know the theory… but knowing and not applying is still all talk no action…
what to do next? how to go about doing it? why i dont get the kind of 自在 in cultivation?
i doubt thinking gives an answer…. someone.. unstuck me please.. =D
just sharing some thoughts bros & sis… please feel free to comment.. =D
checking in…
BFG
P.S.: i feel greatly to do something for the people in HAITI… 70,000 has gone and probably more… what if the person was you? if you can.. please just chant some OMPH and dedicate the merits to ease their suffering… if its you… what would you wish people have done for you at least?
as you guys can see on facebook.. i made sandwiches last night… but after clearing up.. the start of a horrible night begins…
i went outside of my house to clear the trash and suddenly had a traumatic tummy ache… the pain was so bad that i stopped whatever i did and went to the toilet.. in the process.. my nose and throat ( both on the inside ) suddenly got very very itchy and irritated…. suddenly my eyes start to swell.. i can feel my eyes going smaller and smaller… i was still in the process of you-know-what…. all of a sudden my nose started filling up with mucus and my throat with phlegm… i cant breathe.. i tried using my nose or mouth.. very little air went through… i suffered on the toilet bowl for about 10 mins…
after which i immediately took a shower… when i stood up from the toilet bowl i felt my entire chest got tight… the breathing got even harder.. i was sort of panting and gasping for more air… quickly finished the shower and rushed to the room… lied down flat on the bed.. closed my eyes and JZ.. trying to calm myself down.. i felt my chest got tighter… this time round.. i could feel someone pressing something on me…. and i could feel as if someone was trying to seal my heart chakra…the process went on and the heart chakra started to hurt….
the first instinct was to do PJHS…. followed by GYFM… the image of a lady kept coming to my mind and when i closed my eyes i could see her…. she was dressed in olden days chinese convict clothes.. and someone seems to be giving her instructions.. while doing GYFM, i could feel energy forcing out another stream of energy from within… currents of cold keep emitting out from the skin… and this didn’t help for the breathing… i was still gasping for air despite settling myself down… finished GYFM and went down to my home altar to offer incense to 大伯公，土地公 & 祖先 asking for them to help me… after offering incense i decided to go for a spin in my car in case there was any negative spiritual forces in my house affecting my parents… on the journey.. i kept chanting BZMZ.. i was out for 30 mins than i got home… feeling slightly better…
i then took a ten mins walk at the field opposite my house.. communicating with the earth deities seeking their blessing….. then i went back to sleep with my heart chakra feeling sore….
i havent been sick ever since i did my daily SOP but right now i feel sick…i am able to breathe but my nose slightly blocked… my eyes are still slightly swollen and my heart chakra feels wierd and hurts at times… i wished it was a heart attack.. but i’m quite certain its not… who have i offended?? beats me…..
logging in..
BFG
